Stereotypes

I have always been a victim of stereotypes, for as long as I can remember (haven't we all). When I was younger, it was my hair. There were all sorts of stereotypes I was labeled with because of my hair...quick temper, hot headed, etc. I never really considered myself quick to anger or full of ire. I also got labeled a lot as being anorexic because I was so skinny (notice the word WAS)...often a snob because I am shy. These never quite hurt much (the hair one I laughed at and the anorexic one I thought a compliment, sadly).

And, let's face it, I am quick to label people too. How many times has a blonde friend done something "ding-bat-like" to which I would point out their blonde hair. How often have I, one who got ridiculed for being so skinny, have I started labeling those who are skinnier than me now. Most of the time it is in jest, but sometimes it is VERY unfair on my part.

A recent thing I have found myself in is homeschooling. What do you think when you think homeschool? Do you think of a kid who stays current in current trends, in touch with style and involved in sports or other activities, or do you, like me, think of kids who play chess and the violin all day...program computers...and lack any sort of social skill. A couple months ago, I decided to join a homeschool group. I asked Matt to come along because I was scared that I would be joining a cult like atmosphere and I wanted to make sure we stayed grounded in reality.........and than let the shock sink in as I looked around the room at the other parents there and saw reflections of me (whom I consider to be "normal"). At each homeschool event, I arrive in trepidation afraid of who/what we will see. I teach Sierra to look past the outside and get to the inside, but then arrive with my guard up and my blinders on, expecting to see the stereotypical homeschool family (have I not been judged enough myself for my own appearance to know NOT to do this).

Now, it is true that much of the time, we will find ourselves like aliens in a new land (many of the families are stuck in a time warp from the past) and let's face it...most of these families have been homeschooling for years and years while we have been doing it for days and days...they are more saturated in it. But still, why do we stereotype homeschoolers?? And why so negatively? Is it really negative that a couple has a kid or two and decides that, for whatever reason(and most of the time it is in their scope the best thing for their kid(s)), to keep their kids at home and nurture and teach them??

I recently became a target for one such stereotyping...and it struck a cord with me on a deeply personal level. A friend made a dig about me being a stay at home mom, so I have the time to do this and that. Now, this is something I have heard at least a 100 million times over the past (almost) 12 years I have been a stay at home mom...but hearing it from this friend made me pause. Wow. Here I am working day in and day out. This job is forever consuming my mind, body and soul...and this is my job...I am a mom. I do not take this job lightly. I am raising up two members of a future society. It is my job to help mold them into functioning and successful members of this society. Talk about pressure. And, let's face it, too many do not take this job seriously enough.

I remember when Sierra was a baby (tiny baby), I was the quintessential SAHM...I did lay around watching soaps (new mom, new baby). That didn't last long, though. Quickly I realized that there needed to be more. Throughout the years, it has not gotten easier....OH NO...it has gotten so much harder. I have a prepubescent girl and a son in school. I am at his school all the time. I am constantly with Sierra both emotionally (prepubescent girl) and physically...working on her curriculum, getting her to activities. I am cleaning the house...cooking meals....coordinating activities....taxi driving everywhere....among a million other things. My days are full from 6:30 in the morning to 10:00-10:30 each night....and often my night's sleep is affected by kid's bad dreams, sickness or continual thoughts of what didn't get done that day and needs to get done the next.

Being a stay-at-home mom is not for the weak. It is time consuming and the pay grade is low (not really...my rewards are my children). I was talking to Matt the other day about how many parents I know who could not for the life of them tell me the name of their kid's teacher from the previous year and whether or not they liked them or not. I can list each of Sierra's teachers and what I liked or did not like about each. Matt finds himself in the position of having co-workers asking him why I do not work since my kids are "older" now. They feel that it is unfair for Matt to be the sole provider. His response is that I AM working. He said the other day that a good way to look at it is that I am not one of those parents who cannot remember my kids' teachers and I am involved in every aspect of their lives. When I have approached the topic of working, Matt has adamantly resisted. He feels that I do have a job, one that is far more important than a pay check.

So when it gets trivialized, it stings. This is my life's work...this is who I am.

But, what I need to do is turn this on it's head. Is it fair for me to be labeled so lightly (a SAHM has the time to do anything since she does not have a 9-5 job)?? No (I have a 24 hour a day...7 day a week job with no raises and no vacation time). Is it right for people to look at SAHM as a lazy profession with women who do not contribute to the household?? Absolutely not!! Is it right for me to label other people with titles even before I know them or their circumstances? no, No, NO!!! How does it feel to have your heart's work ridiculed? Bad, real bad. How does it feel to be the one doing it? Before being trivialized myself, I would not have recognized it....now, I feel like crap. I have gotten to know several homeschool moms and kids. The stereotype is wrong, people. Yes, there are some who could be thought of as weird by our society's standards, but, for the most part, it is not true. I recently had conversations with several homeschoolers and was ashamed at myself for being so quick to judge. These people love their kids like crazy and endeavor to provide the best for them both in higher education and providing a safe and nurturing environment.

I have been telling myself lately that I need to post a reminder sign in my car reminding me to speak kindly to everyone, even if they are rude to you...you NEVER know what their circumstances are. I think I need to post another sign stating that it is not my place to judge....but to LOVE. We are all different in shapes, sizes, color and personality.....and thank God for it. I certainly wouldn't want everyone like ME!!

So, my new mantra is: Must stop judging what I do not know and, instead, getting to know that person I found myself so eager to judge.

And so what if the mom on the elliptical machine next to me has had 4 kids and her stomach is as flat as they come and her hips are narrow. God bless her...she has 4 kids!!!...and wouldn't my tummy be flatter, also, if I put the time and energy in too??