Am I Alone

Matt always makes fun of me because I am a lot like what Mark Gungor describes as the woman's brain. My wires are constantly going and never seem to shut off. I can practically see it....the wires intertangled in my brain...exposing wire to wire and cross connecting.

My brain is so bad, that when I am in church, I find it hard to concentrate on what I NEED to be concentrating on!! The Pastor will ask us to bow our heads to pray and I have no idea what we are praying about because I am thinking about what I am going to do next week, what the kids have planned for the next day, what clothes I will wear, who I might run into, what can we have for dinner.....all at the SAME time. I even spend a lot of time telling myself to concentrate....but end up mentally chiding myself for NOT paying attention so much that I am still NOT paying attention.

Last night at church, worship was pretty good...parts were better than others. There were a couple songs that I truly LOVE and my automatic worship response was to close my eyes and lift my hands. I sang the words and had the deep desire to pour out myself to the Lord...let the words of the song flow over me....but I found my mind wandering...I wonder if so and so is here, I wonder what Daniel is doing, I wonder what Sierra is doing, is Matt worshipping.

The pastor called us to intercession...asking us to pray for our needs or the needs of others for 10-15 minutes....I was able to pray "Lord, please be with my family, help Matt with his headache and job, help his parents sell their house........." and the buzz affect settled in. I had to open my eyes to concentrate on the room and what was going on around me...in short bursts praying for that woman who seems so broken or that man who was with the elder for personal prayer. But even then, they could warrant only a 10 second prayer.

Is it a lack of faith? Is it ADD? Or is it just plain and simply being a woman? Are my wires so jumbled that I just simply can't ruminate on one thing at a time??

My facebook status last night stated that I had the attention span of a 1 year old...sometimes I wonder if that is being too generous!