Another Dad Post

My dad has been on my mind a lot lately...this time not because of bad things going on, but good things.

The other night, we were doing our nightly routine...probably the best part of each day. The whole upstairs is filled with laughter as the kids play around together as they are supposed to get ready for bed. Daniel will run into Sierra's room with just his underwear on proclaiming himself "Captain Underpants" at which point Sierra will start chasing him around both yelling (yes, this is joyful). They brush their teeth which often includes Daniel playing in the water (he gets so proud when he fills the sink right to the edge).

Than we all go into Daniel's room where Matt and Sierra will lay on the floor as I crawl into bed with Daniel and read him a story (if it is a new story, than Sierra squeezes herself in to hear it to). The book Daniel has chosen lately is a Maisy book (have you heard of these?). This one has Maisy going to bed...which has a part where Maisy and her stuffed Panda uses the potty (complete with picture of Maisy and Panda sitting on potties). This one portion gets Daniel into the giddiest of laughs and it is hard for me to continue to read as I laugh at him laughing.

When the story is finished, he takes the book and attempts to hit his sister with it (lol...this is funny as Sierra always runs for cover). Than Matt does a "spinny spinny" which means he tosses Daniel in the air as he spins him around...than gets on his knees and tosses him higher in the air....than flies him like Peter Pan across the room to "rescue his elephant"...and than lands him in the arms of ME...where I get first dibs or nighttime hugs and kisses...followed by Sierra...and than Matt.

Next it is to Sierra's room, where I crawl into bed to read to her while Matt tends to collapse on the bed in our room and snooze for the 20-30 minutes it takes us to get through 2 chapters (currently reading book 2 of "Limeny Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events"). Than it is a little talking time (whatever Sierra wants to talk about (tonight it was about her sunburn). Than kisses all around and we (Matt and I) are free. (At least until Sierra's first trek downstairs of the night...she has always been our problem sleeper).

What does any of this have to do with my dad, you may ask? Well, it was in the middle of one of our typical nightly routines the other night that I thought about him. You see, my dad always had this idea of what kind of woman I should become. He felt I should be a teacher (he and 2 of his siblings were teachers and I think he thought it was in the blood). He wanted me to be a teacher and told me the only way to survive financially in the world is to have 2 incomes. He raised me to be a career woman.

Well, as you may have noticed, I did not become what I was trained to become. I tried to become a teacher....but HATED the idea of it with every fiber of my being. You may say...well, you were a Children's Pastor. Yes, true, but I only had kids twice a week (Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights). The thought of teaching frightened me (and from the stories Sierra tells me about the classroom...I was RIGHT).

So, that out the window, I decided to be a career woman as long as it was in administration. My strengths were in working with my computer and programs and thus a good fit. BUT, it is a wonder what pregnancy will do to you. You get a little baby growing in you and the brain says....YOU MUST WORK....but the heart says.....AND LEAVE THIS PRECIOUS BEING GROWING INSIDE OF YOU AT DAYCARE, ARE YOU NUTS!?! In the end, the heart won and out went the career.

So, here I was...in my son's room. Sure, we could be living a "better" lifestyle if I worked as I had been raised. BUT, here are these two kids (two kids who have changed my life for the better) who are so well rounded....loving...

And I got to thinking of my father who tried to instill in me these values he felt so strongly about............and started thinking of the pride he had for me and the life I have built. I remember the first time he held my daughter and the smile that was so wide and the eyes that were so bright. I remember when he first saw my house...you would've thought we bought a palace and not the modest home we inhabit. His excitement at that moment is one I will never forget...and hearing him tell others about what I have become. And, I remember when he first held my son...whose name is Daniel...my father's middle name.

So, as I lay on my son's bed as he joyfully looked for a book to read that night...and my husband and daughter laying contentedly on the floor...I could not help but smile as I thought of my father who was proud of me throughout my life........but became most proud when I did exactly the opposite of what he thought I should do.

I love my dad...I miss him terribly for as I thought of this I also thought of how much he thought my daughter was the most beautiful girl he had seen and how he had barely been able to see my son.......and as I look at my daughter now 10 with those long legs, lean body, blue eyes, and winning personality....and my son with the kind of personality that makes all who meet him laugh.....and I have sorrow that he cannot share in these milestones with me. BUT, I can say with confidence that if he were here........his grin would be big and his eyes would be shining and I would feel like a success.

So...there you have it. I could not meet my dad's expectations as he thought it, but I could exceed his expectations past his own vision for my life. So, even in the sorrow of his absense, I can feel comforted.