My Testimony

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:10 NIV

Tonight at church, Pastor Jeff was talking about praying for the lost and how important it was to be ready to speak about our own testimony. He encouraged us to write it down and I thought...what better place than RIGHT HERE!!

My life was one like so many others. I was raised in a kind of Christian home. My dad had me go to church when I was very young, but he would drop me off and pick me up. He had a conversion when I was about 8 or 9 and he began going to the church he had me going to. He decided to get us all baptized together into the Methodist Church. Soon after, he decided he didn't like the Methodist church so we changed to the First Baptist Church....where he decided to have us all baptized as a family (ok, so this was maybe not so typical). After awhile, he decided that Baptist wasn't for us either, so back to the Methodist we went until he finally decided that church wasn't for him (or us) and took to watching church from his recliner and left us to our own devices.

I quickly fell into a belief system that there just was no God. I did not see any evidence or influence, so it was easy to do. I lived life with little to no care of any religious influence declaring myself an atheist.........though, I honestly questioned my own belief in nothing. I chose to live life in the wild fast lane (doing things that would likely shock many people I now associate with). I always felt somewhat lost, but continued this lifestyle even into marriage.

And then, we got pregnant. My husband was a believer (though he was not living it out the way he should), but I was still unconvinced, though I found myself speaking out into the universe hoping someone or something would hear. Upon first getting pregnant, I was pretty upset. This signaled the end to a carefree life of partying. We had not even discussed becoming parents and what that would mean. It was a doomsday event for me.

As my baby grew within me, though, I started to feel things I have never felt before. A love blossomed in me that was unlike anything I have ever felt. I began to question God vs. no God. I began to evaluate deep down how life could be created inside of me and this great emotion could well up in me if I was just the evolution of an amoeba. It didn't seem possible. With every passing day, my love for this unborn child grew and grew and I found myself changing.

When she was born, the experience was unlike anything I have ever felt. The insincts of motherhood kicked in and I became that mother who protects and cares for her young. I would watch this baby for hours and wonder at her perfection...a blend of mommy and daddy....a picture of our love.

It was then that I realized that just as I could look at this baby and feel so much love and emotion, that I knew there was a God who looked at me with great love and emotion. I knew I had sinned....I was as messed up as the next guy......but I felt His power and love wash over me. It was supernatural and wonderful.

It was not by works that I was saved. It was by surender that I was saved. I surendered my life and became forever His. I am a true example of how one marked over in sin with what I thought to be permanent marker could be washed clean by the simple act of prayer and surrender.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10