A Cry For Help

A couple days ago, my daughter uttered a cry for help. It was a cry I had heard before, a few times over the course of the last year. We would listen to her thoughts and would, as any parent would do, come up with a solution, assuring our daughter that her health (physically and mentally and emotionally) and well-being were our utmost priority.

Her cry?? She asked us to homeschool her. Now, I am one of those parents that sees the ups and downs of homeschooling, public schooling and private schooling. I truly believe that each individual family should make that decision on their resources, their familial life, and their kids.

From an ethical stand point, I have never worried much for Sierra. I believe that we have laid a good moral, Christian foundation into her PLUS Sierra is her own person. Anyone who knows her knows she is not easily influenced into doing something she does not want to do. She has NEVER had the desire to be a part of the "in-crowd". She does not like anyone who thinks more of themselves than they should. She is very open to us, me, and I trust her implicitly that she will stay on the right course for her better future.

From a social stand point, I have been worried only that she can be shy. She is not incredibly shy, like I was in school (and am still). She is quiet in class...a teacher's dream. She has her friends that she can be silly with. She is a bit more mature than most of the kids her age. She, long ago, stopped playing with toys. She is not a giggly girl who loves silly things like the Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) or (thank GOD) Justin Bieber. She has a mind of her own and tends to not plug into what ever invisible force field most kids plug their brains into each day. Her tastes differ vastly from the norm. She loves Christian Rock, especially Flyleaf and Skillet. Most of her friends like Kei$ha and Lady Gaga and Eminem...all of which she would not be allowed to listen to even if she wanted to, which she doesn't.

Academically, she is on track. She puts a lot of pressure on herself to make all A honor roll, something she has not yet accomplished, though she has come very close. She beats herself up for not making those grades (though she is currently bringing in As and some STRONG Bs). Her teachers love her and I think she beats up on herself far more than she needs to. School is hard this year, though. She gets homework every night, including weekends. Math, in particular, is going at lightning speed (much faster than what I had...they are doing algebra now). She feels like she is getting lost.

When Sierra approached us with homeschooling last year, we pinpointed the issue...Math. She felt like she was getting buried in Math. We asked her...if we get a tutor, would that change your mind? She sighed in great relief...YES. So, she got a tutor for the whole of summer and felt at the end of summer ready to tackle 6th grade.

But 6th grade is far different from 5th. She got approached by a kid in her class a few days ago...this kid asked her if she had ever considered suicide or cutting. This shook her up. She tells me about all that she hears each day and how uncomfortable she is. She used words like "I just don't feel safe at school" and "No one gets me there". She also used words like "I feel overwhelmed at school", "They just go to fast"...and even, with tears filling her eyes "I just want to die sometimes". NOW, I KNOW girls can be dramatic...even my girl (especially my girl), but I have to take these things seriously.

Anyone who knows me KNOWS I research...I research and research and research. So, this is what I did. I sat and started digging. I looked up curriculums to see what we could do. I looked up homeschooling sites...looking at pros and cons lists. I emailed friends who homeschool.

Here's the thing. I live in Texas...a mostly Conservative and Christian State. I was not surprised to find out that we have in our area a HUGE Christian Homeschool Group. This group has activities for kids her age and for parents. The information out there is incredible. And, being in such a Conservative and Christian community, the level of support I received, whether we decided to homeschool or not, was astounding...by those who do homeschool and those who do not. Most, it seems, are like me and believe it is a case by case issue.

One thing I read from a pros and cons site I was on was that many will argue that kids need to learn how to deal with bullies, or mean kids, or whatever. The point brought on by this was (and I know this to be true from my own issues with bullies growing up) that when the kid graduates from high school, when does that kid ever deal with this again. Getting that degree is like a magic paper that all the sudden ends all these issues. Kids go their seperate ways and grow up. Sure, there are still snotty adults out there, but we do not have to deal with them if we do not want to. What an interesting perspective....not that Sierra was being bullied. If anything, everyone wants to be her friend.

So, I researched homeschooling. I researched curriculums. I listened to my daughter tell me the reasons why she should be homeschooled...some of them ridiculous (she had one about her hair that was just sad...lol)...but some of them I could not ignore. After careful thought and consideration, Matt and I finally agreed, that under certain conditions, we would pull her out of school:

1) She finish the grading period she is in at school...it ends Friday, so not a hard task. I check on her grades online almost daily. She is pulling in a strong AB honor roll.

2) She had to understand that this would not be a hole she could crawl into. She would have to work HARD...harder than she did at school. She would have to dig in and study and work. She would also need to understand that she could not use this as a way to hide. It would be so easy for her to just be with me all the time and never her peers. Most parents want their kids to be closer to them...me, both my kids want to be with me always (well, Daniel finds it a bit easier to go out and play....let's face it, he is all boy and all play). She had to know she would have to put herself out there socially...become part of some clubs and activities.

3) She wouldn't just roll out of her bed and wear pjs all day, every day. She would have to get dressed, brush her hair (duh, she is OBSESSED with her hair), brush her TEETH, and even, (yes, really) exercise daily. This would not be a license for her to just slob out. No sleeping until 10 am and than working. She will get to sleep in a little later, but not much...and still to bed each night at a decent time.

4) She would need to be open to instruction. She can be hard headed, though she has mellowed out as she has matured.

and 5) We would take this on a year by year basis. We would feed her needs each year and evaluate whether she needs to be here or if she needs to be in public school. We have to do what is best for her.

Everyone agreed to the stipulations. We ordered the curriculum. She has a couple days of school left. We are buying her a desk this weekend and Monday, she starts here, at our home school. I told her she could name the school...we would get a mascot and I will design a "crest". Sierra and I are creative and I am trying to feed it.

I would be lying if I said I was completely happy about this. I enjoy my days of peace in my house...husband at work, kids at school, and me with the animals. It is a vital part of my makeup to have time to myself. It is how I recharge. I have been VERY recharged in the last couple months. I also have the pressure of her education and socailization on my shoulders. I have to do all I can do for her success. And, I KNOW her school is an EXCELLENT school...my schools and my teachers were no where NEAR this level of excellence.

BUT, I need to do what is best for my daughter....I need to answer her cry for help. I have heard many of my family's and friends personal stories of how they had wished they had listened to their kids cries for help. It is these stories and my own convictions that makes the other things get squashed down. I am mom. I am here to raise up my kids to the best of my ability. I can sacrifice some personal time (I have already told her much of her learning will be self-taught...and she will do it in her room.....for me and for her). I am mom...and she is my daughter. She cried and I answered.

And, just for added fun...Daniel. I had no doubt that he would be fine with this arrangement...Sierra at home and he in school. He is thriving in school. He is reading like no body's business, his teacher is EXCELLENT in every way....and he's in Kindergarten, the negative influences are minor. He's a good kid. AND, when asked if homeschooling sounds like fun, he quickly answered "NO!". He loves school. For now (and maybe for his whole time in school), he will remain in public school. As I said, I believe it is a case by case basis.