My Dad, My Hero

As you may have read in my last post, my father passed away close to a week ago. You can read the below post to find out the details of his passing, but I am here to tell you about the man who was my hero.

You see, I came along in my father's life when he should be looking forward to his grandchildren. My father was 57 years old when I was born....I was a late surprise in his life. I do not think my dad would trade my birth for anything, but he would have changed the circumstances that was my beginning and certainly the woman who was my mother.

Shortly after my birth, my father realized he could not have me be raised in the environment I was in. My mother was not a fit mother. She had several other children from several other men...all of whom carried loads of issues with drugs, stealing, and a slew of other problems. My dad decided the best course of action was to divorce my mom and sue for custody of me.

The intersting thing about this process is that this was in the mid 70s....it is rare for a father to gain custody of his children today, much less 30 years ago. But, he fought the battle and won. He gained full custody of me and my mother moved to California...only visiting me 2 times, to my memory (she visited a few more times before he gained custody).

My dad didn't speak of this time very much. I was constantly let down by my mohter. She would rarely call me and when she did she would almost always lie to me. I, of course, always believed each word she told me. I remember being on the phone with her and her voice would be so soft and gentle and I would wonder why I was seperated from this woman who called me "ladybug" and would tell me how much she loved me.

She visited me for the last time right around when I was 8 or 9. She was not allowed to visit me without supervision, so I remember my stepmother sat in a car the whole time making sure nothing happened while I sat in my mother's motel room. As a young girl, I wondered why I could not see my mom more and began to blame my father for keeping us apart. I cannot remember what my mother and I talked about, but I remember coming away from this visit with anger towards my dad.

My stepmother must have relayed some of this to my father. My father, after my mother had left for California, went to the store and purchased a small box with a lock and key for me to keep my special things in. He sat me down and told me about my mother and told me about his fight for my custody and the reason why he had to do what he did. I did not fully understand everything he said, but he was my dad and I took what he told me as truth.

Over the years, my dad has told me a little about his fight for custody and about my mother. My sister Vivian was a young adult when this battle was going on and she was by my dad's side and helping him fight the battle (even as she cared for her own young child...just one year younger than me). She has given me many details of this time in our lives and I have felt fortunate to have had a father fight as hard as he fought to, honestly, save my life. The conditions in which my mother lived would have surely killed either me physically or my spirit. I always considered him a hero for dedicating himself to raising me.

He always told me when I was older, I could ask to see the documentation he had on my custody. I asked him for the papers just a couple years ago and he said he wasn't sure where they were. Upon his passing, I was helping Gloria clean out some paperwork when I came across the papers I had so wanted to see. I did not have time to read them then, but I did read them upon arriving back home from the memorial. My dad kept all his records and all his notes from this period and it was a facinating read. He did not type, so all his notes are freehand. I came across this one document he wrote that just slid it home. My dad was a very special man...it takes a very special man to do what he did. I was so lucky to have him fora father. I wanted to share his words about his little daughter, me...written in his words. I will cherish this handwritten note more than I will cherish anything else.

My Statement About Sandra

Sandra is a very secure, happy, and loving little girl. Even with the circumstances of our marriage, she has been in a home that belongs to her. Sandra is well adjusted little who loves her home, her yard to play in, her visits to her grandfather, her room with all her belongings, sunday school class, our fishing trips and all her friends she has learned to love. Sandra is a little girl that needs love and security. With Vivian's (my daughter) help, I have given her that since she was born. Being a teacher, I have spent a lot of time with Sandra because of my working hours and vacations. Most of my recreation has always been built around my children. What time I am not with her I see she is well taken with care of.

I plan on getting married, in the near future, to a wonderful person whom has known Sandra for almost two years. Sandra knows her and is looking forward to her coming back from the state of Virginia. She has no children living with her and is willing to help me anyway she can in building Sandra's future. I believe this will insure Sandra's security and create a home like atmosphere.

Sandra doesn't really know her mother. She doesn't even talk to her on the telephone. Sandra talks freely to people she knows. Mary never spent much time with Sandra when we were married. Mary went to work at about 6:30 a.m. and got home around 6:30 p.m. This meant Vivian or I took care of the kids. She went to a lot of meetings at night and even worked some weekends. I have raised Sandra in the three and one half years of her life.

Since Mary has moved to California (a year and a half ago) she has seen her very few times and very short meetings. Mary has not visited Sandra in the last five months.

Sandra loves it here - she loves her daddy. To move her out of these securities would kill this little girl's spirit and break her heart.

I have so many other documents that were also handwritten by my dad further stating his case. It is an amazing story about an amazing dad that would do whatever it took to ensure the health and safety of his daughter...even in those years when only grandchildren would seem to be in your future. He stated in one letter that he had thought of just bailing out on the whole thing, but he could not stand the thought of his little girl being raised that way. My sister, Vivian, can attest to all the things that occured at this time. It was a long and expensive battle, and my dad never quit.

My dad is my hero. There is no telling where I would be without him. I will miss him, but I will remember him and cherish these glimpses into the man he was. He was not about telling everyone about all that he did. All he knew was that I was safe...I was secure...I was cared for.

My Dad, My Hero