Thankfully August

November is usually a month of thankfulness and reflection. We celebrate a whole day of Thanksgiving as we gorge out of food...and than on little sleep go out the rest of the holiday weekend snatching up deals.

August is a time of complaining (heat) and a rush of activities (school starting, summer ending). I wanted to take this opportunity to pass along some thankful thoughts during the dead heat of Summer.

--I am thankful for an incredible family. I have a husband who works hard to keep our roof over our head and food on the table while not working so hard that he is an absentee father or husband. In fact, he is the most active dad and husband. I have 2 kids who have their squabbles from time to time, but, for the most part, get along together with only the most slightest of issues.

--I am thankful for my house. I dream of a bigger house with all the luxuries I see on tv...I dream of stainless steel appliances, large game room, jetted tub in the master suite, double ovens, a seperate closed in office and a media room for my husband to enjoy. I can tend to complain a lot that I do not have this. Thanks to a very good friend who has had to live in Africa for the past few years and has shared her daily experiences of life in a poor country/poorer city, I have perspective on my living. My house is nice...it is cozy...my kids rooms are spacious, though they prefer to hang out with us in the living room than their own rooms.....which I am thankful for, too.

--I am thankful for my church with a Pastor and a People who has a heart for the area we live in as well as the world. I am thankful that our church is not in some elusive competition with other churches to be the number one, but, instead, desires a time where all churches will realize that we are all one church in God's eyes and we need to work together to do His will. I am thankful for my small group that meets each Sunday morning with wonderful teachers that give me enlightenment. I am thankful for a Thursday morning small group of women who come together to study the word (usually facillitated by Beth Moore) and share their lifes hopes, dreams and struggles...knowing that the ladies are praying for one another (VITAL in this time we live in)!!

--I am thankful for Summer. Winter is hard on me and my jaw...giving me headaches that last for weeks or months. I am thankful that my muscles can relax in the heat of the day and not clench in the bitter cold. I am thankful, too, that my house has central A/C (I did not grow up with central air, but when I moved out and into my college dorm, you can BET I cranked that thing year round...it was so fascinating).

--I am thankful for my car...lemon that it is. I have complained and complained about my Kia and the trouble it has caused (new issue, blinker lights are not working.....in that the electrical is acting up...not the bulbs are out....another trip to the service center is in our future). I dream of buying a new car...maybe a Honda CRV (hope to buy a car at the end of the year). But, I have seen where so many people live in their cars...some with their children. I also know that a car is a precious commodity to some who cannot buy a car....or those third world countries where women have to carry their baskets on their heads to and from wherever they go.

--I am thankful for indoor plumbing, electricity, a room for each kid, gas to cook by and warm up by. It is appalling how many people live without even the most basic of things we take for granted.

--I am thankful for my country. So many people are up in arms about where this country is going...and I cannot argue with them (mostly because I do not keep up with politics or any news). But we live in the best country in the world!! I am thankful to be an American.

--I am, most of all, thankful that I am a recipient of the greatest of gifts one could ever hope for...eternal life. One day, this life will be a blip on my screen as I sit at the feet of Jesus Christ and ask him my questions (Why mosquitoes? What is up with Reverend Jesse Jackson...just kidding)? It never ceases to amaze me what HE gave up to come here to save MY life. I hope to honor Him while I rest on this earth...hoping he may come again before my kids get older and the temptations grow stronger and more appealing.

There are so many things to be thankful for. I think we would all benefit from participating in a mission trip...even if it were not church related....to see what we have and what the rest of the world has. So, when we feel a pity party coming on and we start in on the "Woe is me" stuff, think of this":

“The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”- 1 Samuel 16:7

I could go on with the many things that I am so very thankful for (my animals, my daughter's grades, my son's enthusiasm and imagination...). I just think we need to put our lives in perspective before we open our mouths and begin to whine about this heat or what have you (and am I EVER talking to myself here), think about your blessings. I bet the list can be very long if you just spend some time thinking about what you have to be thankful for.

And now, I am MOST thankful for my bed, which calls my name, and my pillow, all soft and broken in....and those sheep which are waiting for me to count.

Cinammony Goodness

I remember like it was yesterday, the day I first saw a Snickerdoodle. It was behind the glass at a Great American Cookie Company store. A little known fact about me is I am a cookie FIEND!! I LOVE COOKIES....and am also VERY choosy about my cookies. No chips ahoy for me, thank you very much (though I do really like the Famous Amos Chocolate Chip with Pecan cookies).

Back before I began baking, I would INDULGE in GACC for cookie fixes. They were oh so soft and yummy.

Anyway, I remember seeing this Snickerdoodle and thinking to myself...what is that? I had never heard of that before and pondered what it could be. It didn't look like a snickers.....or a doodle. It was very odd and I always chose to go with a good old standby (chocolate chip, chocolate chip with pecans, peanut butter, double fudge, etc.). I was unwilling to gamble my cookie money on an unknown cookie.

One day, though, I could stand it no longer. I MUST try that cookie. I had to find out what a Snickerdoodle tasted like. I requested the cookie and paid for it. I sat on a bench to tentaviley try this cookie that had haunted me so.

I took a bite...a small one....and began to taste this unknown blend of cookie deliciousness. My eyes popped wide and I had to try a bigger bite to see if my mouth deceived me, but no...it hadn't. This was just about the best cookie I had ever had!! It was cinammon and butter melded together in cookie form and it was WONDERFUL!! I could hardly believe it.

In the years since, my excitement level has changed. It has become a staple in this house...the snickerdoodle. My kids both LOVE them....though my husband is not so keen (but then he likes white chocolate macadamia nut cookies....bleh). A friend gave me a recipe that is INCREDIBLE and in recent years store brand break and bake cookies have had snickerdoodles...which are YUM-O.

Imagine my surprise a couple weeks ago when I happened upon a blog that had snickerdoodle MUFFINS as one of their many recipes. MUFFINS?!! I declared!! I knew it must be tried...so one morning, I hauled out my KitchenAid (*sigh* A pause in honor of the blessed machine I got for Christmas) and whipped up some muffins. Whoa MAMA...these were good. Were they better than BLUEBERRY muffins or BANANA NUT muffins....no...but they were still good.

Than I saw a recipe for Snickerdoodle BLONDIES. This looked promising, so I bookmarked the recipe and waited for the right day to whip some up. Today was that day and I am now a blondie fan. A dessert BAR that has NO CHOCOLATE and it reaches near the top of my all-time favorite dessert recipes!! It was INCREDIBLE...everything you want in a snickerdoodle, but in BAR form. What an amazing world we live in...

So, I still do not know where the name, Snickerdoodle, comes from...maybe I will wikipedia it. I do not know how my waist line will survive the next couple days of snacking on the 2 sticks of butter, cinamonny sweet goodness....but what can you do!??!!!

And that is my Snickerdoodle story. It has been a long road of mystery and intrigue followed be a lifelong romance between me and the cinammon. I cannot leave this be without sharing with you this wonderful recipe. Indulge in it...fret about it later. Or just take that dog on an extra long walk after.

Here is the recipe.

Dogs and work hours and tonsils, oh my

This summer has been our busiest and craziest yet. I could not imagine squeezing in a summer vacation into everything else. It is nuts and only seems to get nutsier (yes, I am aware that is not a word, but it works!!).

We have been to Splashtown a bunch...maybe not as much as we used to in previous years, but only cause it is either too rainy or too busy to go. We have gone a lot and had fun when we have gone....Daniel can go on a couple of the bigger rides, but he is not fond of the dark ones...he'd rather have the sun shining.

Speaking of Daniel, he is really learning to swim. He can swim like a fish underwater. He struggles swimming with his head above water, but he keeps trying. He is also learning to read and really trying hard. The English language is SO HARD and makes SO little sense. An a sounds like ah, but some time sounds like a. Two o's together make a oooooo sound. No wonder kids are not reading on their level...especially hard teaching them in Texas where we already drawl our letters together so bad...hard to pick up on those phonetic sounds when the sounds all run together.

Sierra is having surgery tomorrow. She has had 2 bouts of strep throat this year as well as chronic throat pain as well as snoring and restless sleep. So, the docs all agree that her tonsils and adenoids need to come out. We are VERY excited...we look forward to a better quality of life for her, though she is effectively using up all our Flex Spending account. lol It's why we have it and worth every penny!!

Matt has never worked more hours than he has in the past few months. He sometimes does not come home until close to 9 pm. He is tired and a bit grumpy, but he gets paid time and a half for those overtime hours!! His company got bought out by another company today...while Matt thinks it is no big deal, I, of course, worry. I trust his instinct and he is there, he knows all the details. I just hope he and other employees will not be laid off!!

We got a dog a few weeks ago, a husky. His name is Rocky and he is INCREDIBLE!!! We love him so much and he provides great fun!! However, he is destructive and today was the last straw...we have to crate him!!! *sigh* I hate crating...but we have to protect our belongings and do not want to become bitter at him.

Well, long day (Splashtown and than dinner with friends), I must go to sleep...glorious sleep!!

Summer

Summer started here in Kozlowski Land at the end of the first week in June. It started pretty slow due to weather challenges in our first full week, but then the second week of summer flew by.

Daniel got to attend a VBS at a church where 3 years and up were welcomed (sadly, most churches only do VBS for those who have graduated Kindergarten and up) and security is tight. He had so much fun, especially since most of his friends were also at this VBS. Sierra has lost interest in VBS. She took the opportunity to sleep in during this week of craziness.

We got a new dog in the midst of the VBS craziness. He is thought to be a full bred wooly siberian husky. He is about 1 year old and as beautiful as they come. He is awesome!! We have really enjoyed him, though our cats really hate him....REALLY hate. They have not been willing to give the poor dog a chance, but he will wear them down. Stella isn't too fond of him either. We love him, though, and look forward to many years with him.

Our wonderful friends from Africa have returned home again for summer. Sierra is excited and is trying to squeeze a years worth of fun with her bff into a few weeks.

I have not done much writing. We are either on the go or I am resting. I must make time to write!!!

Sadly, Matt's work load has been heavy, so he has not been able to enjoy our summer fun. He is often working 10+ hours a day, not getting home until Daniel's bedtime. Just when we think he is done, a new project springs up and he is at it again. The bonus to this is that, since Hewitt got sued by an employee due to overtime pay, now Matt gets time and a half for those hours he works over 40!! This helps with those very expensive summer electric bills.

Other than that, we have spent a lot of time at the library. Sierra has been taking acting classes free at the library every Wednesday (with her bff). I got her a dvd about learning french and is loving it (it is directed for kids). Daniel, who has a vast interest in numbers and music, finally became interested in reading. I have been working with him daily. I made a powerpoint show to work with his phonics and he has read me 2 simple readers. He still tries to look at the picture to figure out the words, but is learning to use the sounds. He is doing well!! All is good here...the days are speeding by. It is hard to believe that we are nearing the end of June.

Here's what we have to look forward to:

On July 4th, Sierra and I are going to the downtown Houston theater to see the Broadway musical Wicked. She has bought herself a pretty dress as have I and we plan to have dinner out in downtown Houston.

On July 13th, Sierra will have surgery to have her tonsils and adenoids removed. We are pretty excited about it as she has chronic throat pain, had strep twice in a matter of weeks and the ENT thinks it will help to stave off sinus infections. She also snores and the doctor thinks that this surgery will offer her a better nights sleep (she is often tired a lot during the day).

In August, Sierra goes away to camp...she wishes it were sooner, but I think they do it so late so the kids will have a good foundation set for when they start back at school.

In between it all, we go to our local waterpark a couple times a week and the pool in our subdivision a couple times a week. Daniel is learning to swim now and that is exciting.

Daniel is just going with the flow.......and will start KINDERGARTEN in August!! WOW!!

So, there you have it....our lives in a nutshell!!

A year of change

Sierra will be finishing up her 5th grade year at Cox Intermediate School tomorrow, June 3rd. She turned 11 this past Saturday.

This past year has been a year of INCREDIBLE growth in my daughter's life. She started the school year full of hope and excitement. It was a new experience going up from Elementary into Intermediate School. In this new format, she would have a home base class and would switch between Social Studies, Science, Reading, and Math. Half of the year, she was in Choir and the other she was in Art. This was an everyday class for her unlike Elementary where it was part of specials. She was also, daily, in PE.

She has had the best teachers she has ever had and she adores them all. Her teachers love her so much that a month ago or so I went to have lunch with Sierra at school. Her science teacher approached me and said she was planning to call me. She and the other teachers were concerned about Sierra. She said she wasn't behaving badly...she just wasn't smiling like she usually did...was not as bubbly as she usually was. I talked with Sierra and discovered she was stressed about the TAKS test. I got to email with her teachers to help Sierra. It means a lot to me to have these teachers investing in her life. Sierra felt terrible that she had worried her teachers.

She had a lot of hope of developing new friendships and she did. She got a lot of new friends, some were good and others were not so good. She displayed good discernment in those cases where the friends were not too good. She earned a cell phone after making so many great grades. She also was in student council and served in the environmental committee.

She also became aware of herself. She began to care about how she looked each day. No more complaining about brushing her teeth twice a day, she wants white teeth. She also began to take an interest in styling her hair. We go as mom and daughter to a salon to get our hair cut at the same time. She got a cute style and began to make sure her hair was styled each day. She also started wanting to experiment with make-up which I allowed under my supervision. She has been learning what looks best on her, which is just the SLIGHTEST hint of make-up.

She has also gained an interest in the latest fashions. She raises her own money to buy clothes that she likes and she looks great in them. My self-proclaimed tomboy has been morphing back into a girl. At the end of this year, she has even discovered she loves skirts and dresses. Her big complaint is most dresses and skirts sold in stores for her size are cutesy....and she hates cutesy. She has recently purchased for herself a cute denim skirt, an adorable grey skirt and yesterday she bought herself a dress. Funny thing about the dress is it is made for teenagers and she has to MAJORLY alter it, but it seems the only way to get clothes she likes.

As she has been growing over these past few years, she has been maturing a lot. She has only been grounded a few times. She loves to hang out with her family and while she tries to spread her wings a bit, she still likes to tuck herself in the warmth of her families wings. She spends more time reading both magazines and books. She is in the middle of reading 3 different book series. she could very well bankrupt us with her book habit (she is not as bad as Sarah, Stacie...but it might be beneficial to get a Kindle....). It is so great when you hear your daughter talk about how much she loves to read and how it is better than tv or movies. I am a bookworm myself.

She recently went through her room and got rid of most of her stuffed animals to Daniel's great delight. When she went to his room with her arms full of webkinz and many other stuffed animals, Daniel could hardly believe his luck. She has also taken down the posters of puppies and kities she has had for so long and her desire is to decorate her room with posters of the Eiffel Tower and Big Ben and other such art.

She wants to be a teenager so bad. It is sad, but it is hard to keep one young who looks so forward to being older. And while she likes to dream about being a teenager, she is still an 11-year-old.

Other changes this year has been boys. She has had several boys interested in having her for a girlfriend. One boy asked her out and she said no. The next day, that same boy came to school in a suit and asked her again. Wow!! Casanova. She did get a boyfriend towards the end of the school year. The romance lasted a couple months and consisted of texting, some phone calls, sitting together at lunch and playing at recess together....all of which she did with him before the romance and after the romance. She was devestated when they broke up, but only because she didn't want the friendship to end. After a couple hours of agony, they both agreed to stay friends and they have.

All in all, Sierra has had a lot of growth. I like that she has an interest in looking good. We go out on dates a lot together. For her birthday, she got a mall gift card and while Matt and Daniel played at the mall, Sierra and shopped. She hugged me several times saying we were the best mom/daughter team in the world. She tells me all the time that she loves her life.

She is still very close to her brother. She is not as likely to get down on the floor and play with him, but she still loves on him. Daniel has become friends with most of the kids on our street and will spend hours outside playing with them. If one of them says anything mean to him, Sierra is outside in seconds setting them straight. You absolutely do NOT mess with her brother.

She is an incredible daughter. I am very lucky to have her in my life. It is neat to see her maturity. It is neat to see her grow (she is almost as tall as me). It is neat to hang out with her. She is just such a neat girl!!

A book

I am writing a book. It is hard for me to believe and I have no doubt it will not be published, but it is quite a thing to say you are writing a book.

Matt has encouraged me for years to do it and I always said, nah. I mean, it is a lot of work and you need quiet time of which I have rarely any of.

BUT, a couple weeks ago I sat in my room and wrote for 2 hours straight. I didn't even have a concept. I just let myself go and wrote and wrote and wrote. Before I knew it, the plot was unfolding.

I have researched how to write a book and I have read that you need to free write the book and never go back and read what you wrote until you have written it all. They say you will get lost in fixing problems and frustrated. They say it will really stink, that first draft, but then you go back and start fine tuning.

This is what I have done. I am just freewriting and not looking back. I let it go.

it is a mystery, a murder mystery, a serial murder mystery....my family laughs cause I LOVE true crime shows and watch all of them: American Justice (seen em all), Cold Case Files (Yep, seen all those too), Snapped (women who "snap" and commit crimes), Forensic Files (all about, well, cases with strong forensics). I love them all.

I also love Criminal Minds, Cold Case, Law & Order, Law & Order SVU, Dateline, 48 Hours Mystery, CSI, NCIS, etc.

So....here I am. Writing a book. I have written several pages and chapters. I have no idea where I am going. I let my imagination go. Matt has read a few chapters and he says he really likes it, but then he has some pretty thick rose colored glasses where I am concerned.

A weird thing about this process. I have been having some pretty emotional things happening and I find myself tearing up as I write. WHOA!!! What is THAT all about?? I take my laptop wherever I go to write as I find time. I am getting some pretty painful carpal tunnel.

So.....there you have it! Oh, boy. How cool would it be!??!!

It is obvoius

Well, the blog thing to keep me going with exercise and weight loss is officially a disaster!! lol Who has time to keep up with a daily diary much less a daily exercise program. BLEH!!!

So, here is where I am at...I am no longer exercising. Not good, right??!! My excuse, it is almost summer and I will be spending time in the pool a lot soon...hmmm....good excuse??? As for diet, I am doing our best of not eating processed food. It is not entirely possible, but I have DRASTICALLY cut a lot of perservatives out of our diet....and have gone organic on many things. (Should I tell you I am drinking a Dr. Pepper right now and would it count in my favor if I told you I needed to break a $20 and that is why I bought the Dr. Pepper.....hmmmmm.......).

Here is something I have been struggling with lately....my faith. In recent weeks/months, I have found myself relying less and less on God and thus feeling further away from Him and thus letting doubt seep in. I keep telling myself...look around you and see God's glory and wonder.....but I am finding it hard to see. I feel as if I am crying out in the darkness and not being heard. I still listen to my praise and worship....I still attend church, bible studies, MOPS, sunday school....I have not altered my behavior in any way...but it is falling on deaf ears.

Today, I was in my car contemplating life...purpose...God....no-God. The song "Your Hands" by J.J. Heller (one of the BEST songs) came on my ipod and she speaks of unanswered prayers...and feeling alone.....but through it all, God still has us in His hands and Heaven stands strong. I listened to the song and it penetrated a little bit.

So, I contemplated some more. I started thinking about us here in America. We are raised to be independent (my father raised me to be a career woman) and to not depend on anyone or anything....there is an answer for everything under the stars....you need money, get a job or go to welfare...you need food, go to the grocery store or food bank....sick, go see a doctor....can't walk, go to therapy, get prosthetics or wheelchairs....can't hear, learn sign language....can't speak, learn to write and learn sign language....can't see, learn to walk with a sight dog, learn braille, walking stick....

Think about 3rd world countries where people are desperate and do not have our resources....and they attend revivals and have healing. These people tend to be a way to look into the desperation we see so often in the new testament when Jesus and his disciples or Paul would walk from town to town healing along the way.

So, is that the reason for my lack of faith?? Am I just not in a place where I am rockbottom to NEED to rely on Him? Is it because I live in a society where God just doesn't show His glory as much because we just do not cry out to Him anymore? I wonder how much He weeps for us?? We are rich beyond measure and our drive is for more....more money....more stuff....more house....more car.....But where does God fit in??

I am in awe at the women I know and read about and watch on tv who have the persistence to go after Him with such furvor. They read the bible everyday...spend so much time in quiet prayer with Him.... I am SO not there. I rarely if ever read my bible. I listen to praise music, but it has become such a part of my life that it is almost like noise...something my kids like to sing in the car and dance to at home. I am in bible studies...but they are falling flat with me.

And, I think in typing this I have come to understand where a lot of my problem is!! I am just not in His presence like I should be. I need to READ more...I need to PRAY more...and I need to quiet myself before Him MORE!!! I guess it is like my clarinet. I played it in High School...was proficient enough to ALMOST be 1st chair. I could read sheet music, I could move my fingers and place my mouth right on the mouthpiece and make music come out of the woodwind. But, after my Junior year of HS, I took it apart, put it in it's box, and never played it again. Over time, it became a distant memory. I can look at sheet music and it might as well be Chinese....I couldn't pick up the clarinet to save my life. It is a forgotten talent...and the desire to play it is gone.

I am out of practice with my relationship with the Lord. Is it any wonder that I do not hear him anymore?? Is it a wonder my faith is slipping?? I have gotten lazy in my walk! I have become spoiled in my independence!

Now....to take that first step. A long time ago, I felt like I should get an accountability partner...someone I could be held accountable to and to whom would be accoutable to me. This may be a first step....

So, there is my rantings. If you are reading this...pray for me....pray for my faith....pray that I hear from God (something I want desperately)....pray that my eyes are opened to His wonders and his ever present spririt!!